My mom would never touch a computer so she won’t ever see this, but her spirit is one of the reasons I love her so much. Go Pack! Love and miss you Mom!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, godmothers, mother-like-figures, and fur-mommies out there!
I’m not trying to be a downer here but here’s some realistic thoughts on…
WHY I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE A MOTHER
Aside from my fur-babies, there are a few conditions that leave me questioning whether I’ll ever have children.
First, there’s the physical aspects:
- Can I even have children? My chemotherapy and radiation treatments stunted my growth and hormone production. Even with taking the proper medications to make up for my deficiencies, I would still need to see a reproductive endocrinologist to determine if I can even have children.
- We can’t afford it. Until this month, we’ve been living paycheck to paycheck. We don’t have an emergency fund and even with the new budget in place, we’re finding it difficult to put anything away to save when we have debt. The last thing I want to do is bring a child into this world without actually being able to afford it.
- My age. I’ll be turning 28 next month. Infertility issues usually take years of trying before they produce any results. Will it be too late when we can actually afford to have children? Do we take a gamble and assume we can afford children in a few years?
Then there’s the fear aspects:
- Complications. I’m the same height I was when I was 9. I fear complications both in the pregnancy and the labor due to my small stature.
- Labor. The thought of labor is scary enough. The thought of having an epidural makes me want to pass out. I’ve had a spinal tap before and I don’t ever want a needle in my back again…especially after my best friend had to have 3 epidurals before they got it right! No thank you! Also, the thought of being awake for a c-section is freaking scary.
- Babies are 100% dependent on you. They’re fragile as newborns and they get heavy as they get older. I always fear dropping them. Then there’s the part where they uncontrollably expel piss, poop, vomit, slobber, snot and boogers everywhere, sometimes in a projectile manner. It’s gross and I don’t think I was made to tolerate that stuff.
I’m sure these fears are things I could overcome and it would always be interesting to see how my offspring would turn out, but until our financial situation improves, babies are on the metaphorical back burner…because you don’t put babies on the range top.